The Best of Schmutzie.com

The entries from most of 2005 and 2006 will be tackled shortly. If there's an entry that you think should be listed here but is not, shoot an e-mail to schmutzie at gmail dot com.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009 — Schmutzie Dancing Is Not good for Kittens or Other Living Things

Monday, March 23, 2009 — There's Power In Anger

Saturday, March 21, 2009 — Paper On a Wire

Monday, March 2, 2008 — Been Caught Stealing

Monday, February 23, 2009 — A Short Timeline of My First Ten Years, Round Two

Thursday, February 19, 2009 — Creep

Thursday, February 12, 2009 — Keep Showing Up

Saturday, February 7, 2009 — Impressions from Las Vegas

Saturday, January 24, 2009 — A Baby, A Mama, And an Unfortunate Sentence

Wednesday, January 14, 2009 — Meet Edwina, The Macrocephalic, Pasties-Wearing, Knocked-Up Crackpot

Tuesday, December 16, 2008 — Lula, You'll Be A Woman Soon

Sunday, December 7, 2008 — Pretty Good

Friday, December 5, 2008 — The Sky And I

Thursday, November 27, 2008 — Would You Like To Feel One Of Our Breasts?

Thursday, November 13, 2008 — Yar! I Bite Your Everything.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008 — The Poppy

Tuesday, November 4, 2008 — The Girl Who Came From Love

Thursday, October 30, 2008 — This Wide, Wild World

Monday, October 20, 2008 — Hayrides Are Dangerous And Harrowing Things That I Do Not Like

Thursday, October 9, 2008 — A Picture Of A Man And His Gourd Goes Terribly Awry

Wednesday, October 1, 2008 — The Shape of Grief

Monday, September 29, 2008 — Jingly Balls All Night Long

Wednesday, September 24, 2008 — My Belly: No Longer The White Elephant

Thursday, September 18, 2008 — Thus Spake The Palinode

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 — For The Love Of An Ear

Sunday, August 31, 2008 — The Garden Font

Tuesday, August 19, 2008 — Help! I've Pooped Illegally!

Saturday, August 16, 2008 — Swearing Can Change Your Life

Saturday, July 19, 2008 — A Little Old Man And A Touch Of Comfort

Thursday, July 10, 2008 — Curling Rink In A Quonset

Tuesday, July 1, 2008 — Home Is Where My Head Is

Thursday, June 26, 2008 — Our Cat Might Need Therapy

Tuesday, June 24, 2008 — The Ugliest Break-Up

Saturday, June 7, 2008 — The Non-Fire

Tuesday, May 27, 2008 — Too Much Information About My Doctor's Appointment

Sunday, May 11, 2008 — Not So Good Vibrations

Sunday, May 11, 2008 — Searching For The Underbelly

Thursday, May 8, 2008 — Nerd Nerd Nerd Fame Nerd Nerd

Tuesday, April 29, 2008 — Snowsuit Survival

Friday, April 25, 2008 — My First Movie Theatre Experience

Wednesday, April 23, 2008 — I Am Not A Breeder

Monday, April 21, 2008 — My Sweet Widdle Gopher

Wednesday, March 26, 2008 — Discrete

Tuesday, March 11, 2008 — And, Lo! I Have A Spirit Animal.

Monday, March 3, 2008 — I Could Always Dream About The Seaspray Laundry

Thursday, February 28, 2008 — Me And The Palinode And A Homeless Guy Make Three

Saturday, February 16, 2008 — I'm Eighty-Five And Holding

Thursday, February 14, 2008 — 1,000 Words About Things I Love

Friday, January 11, 2008 — In The Field, 1987

Thursday, January 10, 2008 — Pushing Punch Cards Into Slots

Thursday, January 3, 2008 — Why I Am Done With Cats Today

Tuesday, December 25, 2007 — Where I Live

Wednesday, December 12, 2007 — Socks In Crocs

Wednesday, December 5, 2007 — An Alphabetic Confession Of Apologies Never Delivered

Monday, November 26, 2007 — A Proust-Induced Eye Injury

Thursday, November 8, 2007 — How To Unclog A Shower Head On The Cheap The Environmentally Friendly Way

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 — #835: Why I Don't Like Halloween

Monday, October 22, 2007 — #830: Stumbling Upon The Ecstatic

Saturday, October 6, 2007 — #821: One Cat, Two Cats, Rottweiler, Man

Monday, October 1, 2007 — #817: Rage, Rage Against The Dying Of The Light

Sunday, September 30, 2007 — #816: How To Create An Effect Not Entirely Unlike A Lomo Camera With Adobe Photoshop CS2

Sunday, September 16, 2007 — #808: The Root Of Creation

Thursday, September 6, 2007 — #803: A Short Timeline Of My First Ten Years

Monday, September 3, 2007 — #800: Two Cigarettes

Sunday, August 12, 2007 — #782: The New Project Begins

Thursday, August 9, 2007 — #779: At One Remove

Sunday, July 29, 2007 — #770: A Woman Is Little More Than A Procreative Device, And Don't You Forget It

Saturday, July 28, 2007 — #769: What I've Learned About Keeping A Personal Weblog So Far

Saturday, July 7, 2007 — #749: I Have A Rubber Cock And A New Hobby

Saturday, June 30, 2007 — #744: I Nudged Him Hard, Saying: "Come, Gloopy Bastard, As Thou Art"

Friday, June 8, 2007 — #728: The Last Day Of Our Acquaintance

Friday, June 1, 2007 — #722: Almost There

Monday, May 28, 2007 — #717: Spousal Abuse For The Price Of A Kiss, A Lesson In Lying, Circles, And Not Getting Felt Up

Friday, May 11, 2007 — #704: The Big News

Wednesday, May 2, 2007 — #698: How The LEEP Thing Went plus Bonus Unrelated Pictures Of My Cat, Onion

Sunday, April 15, 2007 — #685: Embracing This Meat Machine A Little Bit At A Time

Wednesday, April 11, 2007 — #683: The Chicken And The Egg

Tuesday, April 3, 2007 — #679: Hell, Redemption, And The Easter Bunny

Tuesday, March 27, 2007 — #670: Was And Now

Tuesday, March 13, 2007 — #659: If The Ham's Satanic, You Know What To Do With It

Monday, February 5, 2007 — #637: A Bath, A Stream, And The Loss Of Safe Water

Wednesday, January 10, 2007 — #621: I Was Once A Member Of The Corey Hart Fan Club

Monday, January 8, 2007 — #620: A Deep Dark Hole Filled With Cats And Home Repair

Tuesday, January 2, 2007 — #616: Privacy Schmivacy

Saturday, December 23, 2006 — #608: Just Another (Mostly) Hairless Biped With Opposable Thumbs

Thursday, November 30, 2006 — #589: In Want Of A Colposcope

Tuesday, November 21, 2006 — #580: Punchdrunk

Monday, November 13, 2006 — #572: Love/Hate And Roller Skates

Monday, November 6, 2006 — #566: Fussy And Tedious And Consuming Heedlessly
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Thursday, June 1, 2006 — #483: My Invention
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Monday, April 24, 2006 — #463: Dead Pet Photos! One Time Only!
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Wednesday, March 29, 2006 — #448: First I Was Angry, And Then I Was Sad, And Then I Grew Up A Little More
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Wednesday, December 14, 2005 — Phantom Odour

Saturday, November 24, 2005 — Tuesday Was A Glo-Ball Waiting To Happen

Saturday, November 5, 2005 — #378: A Frenzy Of Displaced Nostalgia

Saturday, October 29, 2005 — #375: It's Kind Of Like Looking At That Book About Cats That Paint, Only Different

Wednesday, September 28, 2005 — #359: If It Doesn't Belong To You, Leave It Alone

Friday, September 9, 2005 — #348: He May Be A Junkyard Semi-Feral Freakshow, But He's Our Junkyard Semi-Feral Freakshow

Wednesday, August 31, 2005 — #343: Being Five And The Other Thing

Tuesday, August 9, 2005 — #333: Baby Moose On The Rise

Sunday, August 7, 2005 — #332: Fuck It

Monday, June 20, 2005 — #310: Hovering At The Edge Of Things

Tuesday, June 7, 2005 — #303: Me And The Clique Girls (or Why I Am Only A So-So Swimmer)

Wednesday, June 1, 2005 — One Hundred Things In A List In No Apparent Order Revisited

Friday, May 20, 2005 — She Gave Me A Blanket Of Bees And Crabapple Blossoms

Sunday, May 8, 2005 — Less Talking, More Isolation

Wednesday, April 6, 2005 — The Force Of Return

Friday, April 1, 2005 — A Post In Which The Fiery One And I Converse

Wednesday, March 9, 2005 — The Uncle And The Pendant

Wednesday, March 2, 2005 — Feldspar And Pointy Sticks Call For Beer, Beer, Beer

Monday, November 22, 2004 — I Am A Raucous Ball Of Joy Today, Oh Yes, I Am

Monday, October 25, 2004 — A Love Letter To See Us Through Six Days

Monday, October 18, 2004 — The Great China Imposition Of The 80s And Beyond

Thursday, August 26, 2004 — How To Get Around In Australia Without Actually Going There

Sunday, August 1, 2004 — #144: Animal Heat At The Zoo

Sunday, May 2, 2004 — One Hundred Things In A List In No Apparent Order